"Future Daughter"

We all got settled into life with 4 kids.  We were all happy when Scott retired from the USMC after 25 years in 2009.  I had always wanted to adopt from the China Special Needs program but Scott said he was too old and finished.  We all know what happened when he said he didn't like small dogs or cats don't we?  Tee Hee  I truly enjoy being a mother!  It is the greatest joy and accomplishment of my life.  All of our children are happy and healthy and enjoy school and all kinds of activities.  They are kind and loving and get along "most" of the time:)  That nagging feeling that we were not finished wouldn't go away.  I asked God to make it go away if it wasn't meant to be.  It wouldn't!  I had a plastic tub in the basement that I labeled "future daughter" for the past 5 years.  I put things in it that I am saving for her.  For instance, I got all 5 Chinese Olympic Mascots during the Olympics and put the 5th one in the tub for her.  I would constantly talk about "when we adopt our next daughter" and Scott would always respond "with your next husband".  I even saved a tub of 2t and 4t dresses that I couldn't part with hoping that one day we would have a little daughter to wear them again.  I actually gave them to a friend for the daughter she was in the process of adopting for Korea last year and then the day came that Scott gave the go ahead.  I called her up and asked for them back!  She was happy to give them back since her daughter was an infant and she was so happy that my last dream for another child would come true.  What a friend!  I was sitting in church one day in February 2010.  The topic was human trafficking.  I was in tears thinking about all the children (and adults) who are forced into that.  I kept thinking about all the orphans in this world who will not have a chance after they age out of the orphanages.  Scott and I talked about it and he said that we could adopt.  Then we got our tax bill.  That put a HUGE damper on it to begin in the Spring of 2010.  I was quite depressed and not very easy to live with.  I had already contacted an adoption agency and begun looking at the waiting child lists.  This was all new to me since in the past, we were matched by our agency or China with our children.  We could have just waited to be matched but I tortured myself for months looking on the internet at waiting children.  I desperately wanted to begin our adoption so my friend (who I took the dresses back from) and I sold a lot of jewelry one day and I came up with enough to start.  Then we had a couple of yard sales.  I sold things on Ebay as well.  I became obsessed with raising money.  "Things" didn't matter anymore.  I wanted to bring home a daughter who needed us and who would bless us.   I continued to torture myself daily by going over waiting child lists.  If you have ever done that then you know it can be very upsetting.  I hoped I would see our "future daughter". 

Monticello-April 2011