I am going to tell you about our experience. This is one I haven't shared with too many people. After our paperwork was logged in China in November, we matched ourselves January 2011with a special baby I found on the shared list named Jin Jin. Her special need was "Mild CP". This was not on our medical checklist (you fill that out at the beginning of the adoption with special needs you feel your family can handle). We poured over her medical info and reports. We felt that we could handle her issue based on the reports. We thought for sure that she would do so much better with a family and so we were willing to take a leap of faith. I had sleepless nights, talked to more drs and other people and yahoo groups for opinions. I would feel peace and then I wouldn't. Our family loved her very much. I had pictures printed and put around the house. Then we got her CT report and some video. I was over the moon with those 3 short (11 sec each) videos! What a beautiful little one she was. I had a nagging feeling though about what she was not doing in those videos. I kept trying to push it aside. Then we got the call the end of March about China's letter of approval. Everyone wants that! That is when the travel arrangements and a lot more paperwork begin. Instead of being overjoyed, I was terrified. I knew that if we went and had to make a terrible decision in China not to adopt her that we really couldn't afford to start over. I called one last dr. and he said things really didn't look that good mentally or physically. I took the kids to school the next morning after talking with him. I came home and went to bed. I couldn't stand saying it out loud. Saying that we probably shouldn't let that travel ball start rolling. I talked with Scott. It was terrible! Then I called our agency. Not an easy call. I was scared! I had never had to do anything like that. Guilt, sadness, depression! I had them all! I was trying to make the best decision for our family and Jin Jin. I prayed for another family who could handle a more severe special need to adopt her. I have been inspired and amazed at the people who will adopt kids with severe special needs. I had to break the news to the kids. Kelli Ann and Brandon cried a little. It was like a death. It was a letdown. They were ready for their baby sister to come home. I would have gone to China in July 2011. A couple of weeks went by and my agency called to let me know that they noticed a request to remove Jin Jin totally from being able to be adopted. My rep. said that she then saw a paragraph in Chinese. She put it on Babblefish and read the terrible news that Jin Jin had died the day before. She called to let me know even though she wasn't sure that she should. What sadness and shock we had! I think she wanted me to know that I had gone with my gut feeling and that I had made the right decision a couple of weeks before. Still such heartbreak. I am convinced that God did hear my prayers and that he did take her to live with him. He gave her the best family possible and healed her. That is my comfort. I still think about her and love her. I will never forget her.
Jin Jin- Our baby angel.
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